I’m exhausted, but I have so much to do. My brain hurts. What am I doing with my life? Why have I chosen such a difficult path? Why didn’t I just stay in my accountancy job? What am I doing with my life?!
– my inner monologue [every couple of weeks]
Every so often, I have a bit of a wobble. Depending on how much sleep I’ve had, how business is going, how confident I’m feeling. I joke to my husband that it feels like my brain is made of spaghetti.
I am wracked with self-doubt, with anxiety, with fear for what the future holds.
I busy myself with frenzied activity, with to-do lists, with spreadsheets, and with getting my ducks in a row.
Then I remember that the Living God has brought me here. Or more to the point, He reminds me that He has brought me here. That He has given me a vision, experiences and passions, and an opportunity to use them to share Jesus and to glorify Him.
Too often, I think of God the Father as an angry old man in the sky, waiting to punish me, rolling his eyes when I do something wrong. It’s crippling. Every decision is excruciating when you serve a god like that.
Instead, I have a loving, kind, warm, and generous heavenly Father who lavishes His grace on me. I am free to make mistakes because (newsflash!) I’m not perfect. My eternal security doesn’t lie in my ability to do things perfectly and to make great decisions. His love is based on who I am, not what I do. Talk about good news.
It is often the hardest thing to just rest in the Living God. We may feel concerned that we’re being “lazy” or “we’ve got to do our part too”, but Jesus teaches us to trust in our Father for everything, starting with our daily bread. In the Lord’s prayer, the Lord Jesus teaches us to trust for our daily bread straight after praying for the Kingdom of God to come to earth and just before we ask for forgiveness from our sins. THAT’s how important it is to trust God the Father for all our needs.
So in the midst of our anxieties, our indecision, our fears for the future, when we are spiralling into a black hole of doubt and worry, what does the Bible tell us?
Be still, and know that I am God.
The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.
Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
Rest in the freedom that your heavenly Father loves you, and will fight for you. Know that you are living to a standard of grace, not perfection. Be faithful to the calling He has given you, whatever it looks like, and learn to be still.